Exits

There she was standing beside the exit way.

I was on my way up, panting and trying to catch some air after enduring multitudes of steps up the train station. She was in her usual smart cardigan on top of her immaculate white blouse. And one thing new about her is the eyeglasses she had been wearing, a thicker one; different from the one's she wore the last time we met. We said our usual greetings and then we went down the station through the same stairs. This has been memorable, the climbing part is not an easy task, but the excitement I have in pushing me to continue with the reward of seeing her at the top. The going down experience was a little bit kinder, the excitement has subsided and it was replaced by the sheer joy of being together again. While trimming down the steps going to the sidewalk, we enjoyed our usual fast-paced walk.

This is one opportunity of seeing her once in a while when I was at the Metro for some official business. This is one consolation I'm getting from the loads of work attached to every travel I have. Plus the spending I will surely be sorry after since I managed to use all my money, including my allowances for the next week. 

I'm not usually the same animated talking master when we are together, actually she does the talking parts and all I have to do was to nod or even grunt with my distinctive monosyllabic responses. She does not fail to show up my maturity without losing my childish sensibilities. We talk about things from the most mundane to the serious ones. It all ranges from career, academics, past experiences, memorable dates, relationships, love, marriage, childbearing and life in general. 

Yes, she was special to me, perhaps the next special woman after my mother of course. She does not fail to bring the best in me. Being with her is having no dull moments at all. Even the silence after our conversations seem to become interesting, with the eyes doing all the talking.

We have somehow formed a special bond of trust. At some point it has created connections only the both of us knew. There might be no explicit conditions, but it is something we only knew beyond reasons.

It was time for her to go, and she told me something I have been teasing her before. And despite the smile I managed to display her revelation struck me with the intense amount of pain I tried to hide at the back of my head. Every second and minute passing by seemed to be tormenting on my part. I tried to flash a fake happy face with some congratulatory words, even if it meant a double-edged sword drawn through my hopeful soul.

We climbed again the daunting stairs up to the train station. The climb was even harder that time perhaps I lost the motivation I had before. Perhaps I lost the excitement I used to bear every time I climb those stairs. And it’s now becoming painful not just for my legs and sole, but I’m feeling it inside.

There she was at the entrance gate waiting for the train. She said her goodbyes.

I started to take the exit point and straddle as fast as I could. I want to forget what has transpired. The pain is becoming unbearable. Perhaps I will no longer have the same feeling I used to have when seeing her beside the exit point, standing and waiting.