Perceptions of a Perpetrator, a Victim and a Public Servant

My apologies, for I have been a perpetrator! I have been the contributing culprit, creating divisions over what men and women can do. I have been raised to believe in all these stereotypes, where there are institutionalized delusions, delimitations and walls dividing each gender.

I hope you will understand, for I have been a victim of those culprits, suffering from the barriers that separate each gender; establishing animosity, and alienation among them; judging on their capacity, involvement and contributions in the society.

This time, allow me to share some of my thoughts as a young public servant.

At 21, I was given the opportunity to work with the government and enjoy the privilege of being at the front row of public service. This included a fulltime show of the dynamic interchanges of the social struggle of men and women as they redefine themselves in the era of gender-responsiveness as an answer to the outrage over gender-discrimination.

It remains a challenge for us public servants to walk the talk of delivering gender responsive, courteous, accessible and effective services. We all succumb to despair and anxiety as we overcome our personal demons---our biases.

My apologies again, that even behind my head I can’t do away traces of my own prejudices. As a perpetrator, I used to believe that being loud and vocal are feminine traits. And again I caught myself unguarded by believing so, because I am loud and vocal. I used to believe that being passionate with the dramas of life is a women thing. Yet again I offended myself because I enjoy dramas a lot! These thoughts had made me realize that after all we don’t have to choose blue over pink to show that we are men or pink over blue to show that we are women. And that there can be things both men and women can evenly do! Again it hurts my being a perpetrator but a celebration for my being a victim and a triumph for my being a public servant. Avoid biases and stereotyping. We should always value the different ways of working; focusing on the result rather than who did it and how it was done.

As a perpetrator, I always believe that men have the ultimate right to speak first and be heard first—no matter what! Again it hurts, for I love listening to women when they speak, I enjoy their dauntless capacity to elaborate. But then I would refute that men had the first great speakers in the history. Think of Plato and Aristotle! But then again, I would believe that women have the same privilege as the men do. So my resolve is, as a public servant it helps to practice active listening and develop effective communication skills. Our clients range from the most conservative up to the feminist and chauvinist masochist! Who in return will drive us crazy and perhaps we will have second thoughts over our ideals. So it pays to talk and listen at the most sensitive and gender responsive way.

Perhaps one more thing, develop conflict resolution skills. Conflict is an integral part of our system. The most sensitive one is on gender issues; again my apologies for the following statement. Men may be more silent compared to women when it comes to conflict engagement. So we have to be keen enough to develop strategies that will surely be useful in handling different forms of conflict especially when it involves gender indifferences.

Simple rules as they may appear, but I believe it has to begin small just like any other journey. It hurts at some point as a perpetrator, but it is liberating for a victim and essential for a public servant. It is a transformation on my part---this may not be overnight but I’m doing it at least and I’m willing to share! 

From a perpetrator, a victim and now a public servant, I hope to contribute in ensuring a gender responsive, accessible, courteous and effective public service.

These are all my perceptions, hoping to create ripples and break the barriers that haunt men and women on their way to access public service.

May my being a perpetrator rest in peace and the bondage of being a victim be broken as I continue the call of a true Lingkod Bayani!